I fink we're distracting them from bumping the proverbial uglies
i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
I have a deodorant stick dedicated to my balls.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
I'm returning our mountain of beer cans, while wearing a Budweiser sweatshirt. i don't look like an alcoholic.
It's alarming how good I'm getting at being productive at work on Thursday after Johnny Walker Wednesdays.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
But he found my shoe...that at least deserves a handjob.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
He got thrown out for leaning over the bar topless and pouring himself some beer while singing the james bond song
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
All my friends are going on vacations with their boyfriends while I’m over here in court trying to get a restraining order against my ex....
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.
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