My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I think we were cool up until the point where he saw that planned parenthood was on my speed dial.
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Well it ended with everyone taking a bite out of a raw potato and a girl crying because her boyfriend wouldn't bring her any grape juice. So yeah...I'd say the night was a success.
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
Her text was so long it had an arrow to expand it. You know it's bad when even your iPhone can't handle her
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
They were assless. I wore assless football pants.
I've spent hours masturbating before. It's actually my favorite Sunday activity
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
I was drunk, but not drunk enough to forget I had some dude on his knees begging for forgiveness.
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
It's done, I'm done, goodbye veneer of class and dignity it was nice knowing you
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