I asked him if he wanted to go to my place, he said i could go but he was gonna stay
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Having him eat chocolate out of you is not as romantic as it sounds. I'm still finding pieces.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
I love getting kicked out of places. Its like winning a little league game
omg so there's this guy on the roof and he just stripped for no reason and now i think he's making out on the rooftop with some other guy? who are these people
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
I wasn’t trying to be creepy it just happened
I’m beginning to think that’s your defining personality trait.
Randomize
