Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
just had cupcakes and mountain dew for dinner-now i'm playing super mario brothers. 10 year olds all over the world would kill to be me.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
The second I saw you stumbling down the stairs in a princess crown, I knew I had a friend for life.
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
I'm bringing cupcakes to work today as an apology for my actions at the bar last night, my boss probably can't look at me the same ever again
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I just don't know how to say "I want to have sex you with before you graduate" in a classy way
Every time I look at him 'Relax' by Frankie Goes to Hollywood plays in my head. Is that weird?
Randomize
