I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
what was i supposed to do!? wake up and actually ask her name??
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
it's been like two and a half months. And I swear, I keep seeing walking dicks. I think I'm going crazy cause of lack of sex..
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
I didnt think the feeling of accomplishment for fucking brothers would be this great.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
My underwear are in the stairs so apparently I did take the dog out.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
how do you always get into these "we banged the same dude now lets be friends" situations???
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Randomize
