I'm at breakfast still drunk holding a blow up parrot
he told us the story of how he fought ketchup, mustard, and thomas the train engine all in one night. if that doesn't sound like an acid trip i dont know what does.
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
Did your surprise acid trip turn out well?
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
dying me prepared for dead me... i woke up with my laptop open to the last snl episode, a bottle of gatorade, advil and a bag of chocolate all next to me
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
I'm keeping both. The way I see it, boyfriends come and go, but a good dick is forever.
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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