I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
i can smell the iron from margo's period blood from across the table.
if I was a wizard from waverly place we wouldn't b having these problems
I had a new years resolution not to be a whore anymore, but I think I'm gonna wait till 2011
you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.
She was so loose she sounded like a jar of salsa. I didn't know that was even possible.
spotted: something called the tunnel of opression. i feel like if we patricipated we wouldnt even be phased or we could run it better than them
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
I had a great time except for the part where you called another guy, told him you were in a cab - not on a date - and that you'd meet him at a bar in 15 minutes. but besides that it was awesome. Next time capping you at two glasses of wine
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
It all started because he put my damn phone in his pants. By his crotch nonetheless.
The worst part about living in a small town is partying with your pharmacist and then having to buy Plan B from him the next morning.
im too broke to be in a relationship this close to the holidays
My sex life reached a new low tonight: we stopped into this bar so I could pee and when I got out of the bathroom my parents had ordered a round for us and this traveling nurse they met and were trying to run game for me. Saddest part? She was actually going for it.
No, I didn't meet up with him! That's when I had chlamydia.
Randomize
