I feel great
I just peed on a car
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
That's two mile stones in one shot. A ginger and that's my third ashley.
And I feel bad.
Because we're having a serious discussion about our sex life and you're playing minecraft?
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
Do you know anyone with a stuffed cougar? I want one for a self portrait to hang in my house. A bobcat or lynx might work too.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
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