Alright folks.. i have made history - I just hit my 2nd PARKED car SOBER withing 6 months.. :*( wtf?!
woke up 7 floors down in the lobby...i my underwear. New high or new low?
New experience?
im like that movie w. ryan reynolds, no ones ever going to date me unless they're forced to marry me.
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
About to see some guy and give him a glance that tries to express how sorry i am for blowing his friend while he was getting a BJ in the same room
Why are you speaking in third person?
Because I'm so hungover that I don't even want to be myself anymore.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I'm afraid you are becoming too bourgeois with your switch from boxed wine to bottled.
I've never danced to a Michael Jackson song in a bar and left alone bro. Something in girls loves a guy who dances to mj
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
My favorite part was screaming to all my life by kc and jojo and just horribly failing
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Randomize
