Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
he stopped mid-fuck to ask me how my day was....
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
like teasing for 28 minutes, then the very last 2 minutes is where is ALL goes down. I'm talking, rings off, stable sitting position, hand job madness.
It was horrifying, i havent seen a girls mouth open that wide since that one episode of Goosebumps..
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
You're a five foot adderall and caffeine fueled ball of sexual frustration and suppressed rage. It's only a matter of time before you snap. We're taking bets on when.
What!? It's 7:30am on gameday. This keg is not going to drink itself.
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
I love you so much and not just because your dick is perfect
Randomize
