All drunkenness aside, confirm u are alive
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Dude im not sure whos apartment i woke up in but i just showered here and their shampoo in phenomenal
last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I just licked the seasoning off all the doritoes in the bag. Tell me when I should stop drinking or I'll just move on to the sunchips
they esentially rejected my mermaid threesome offer:(
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
If you think you're having a bad day, know that upon waking up, I was informed that I blew my nose in a piece of bread last night
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
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