By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
running the faucet water is not hiding the sound of you vomiting. fyi.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
I'm not drinking with you for AT LEAST a day
Everybody needs breakup sex. You just happened to get yours from a dude who hasn't reached the point of breakup yet. No biggie.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
Ive got small boobs, but they sure do like to pop out and party with the big dogs.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
