Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just put a picture of dead dolphins on her wall...told her the oil spill was her fault.
i feel as uncomfortable as your camel toe looks.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
She showed up ready for sex all night.. with waters and a meat and cheese tray
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
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