dunno bout you, but i grow tired of beef curtains
this girl and her friend just showed up at my house. standing together, theylook exactly like the number 10. this has cockblock written alllllll over it.
vagina is talking i cant
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
RICK BROUGHT THE HOT BARTENDER HOME. SOMEONE CALL THE FIRE DEPARTMENT, CUZ RICKYS ON FIIIIIIIRE.
lmao nvm she punched him in the face and left
It’s the biggest dick I’ve ever seen. His IQ drops 25 points when he’s hard because there’s no blood going to his brain
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