you wouldn't stop saying "oil can" in the tin man voice until I gave you back your flask
and then the other night his penis tricked us both into sex
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
there is no excuse for drinking mascato in your room alone while listening to one-hit wonders from the 90s
you took a picture of the hospital bathroom and sent it to me
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
One failed naked backward somersault off the bed and I realize - I either need to drink less or workout more. Perhaps both.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
i think we sleep fucked last night...
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
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