I'm in that stage of denial where I hope our kids have his nose.
You do realize that you broke up with him, right?
just had dinner with my dad's new gf and her daughter.. had to drink a beer to get through it.. she's 19 she has on a disney watch and snowflake earrings
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
How was the bike ride?
Nope. High in the basement. Fruit cups.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
I'll do a soapy photo shoot for you in the shower. No loofas, though. Once you get one of those caught in your nipple ring, you never go back.
I wanna send them a card but I don't think hallmark makes a "sorry your fiance and another girl blew me at the same time in a frat house but congrats!" card
You know you went through something intense when you actuallu applaud yourself for not shitting your pants
No like I actually peed on the treadmill. As it was running
Every time I try to do something productive I end up searching ghost porn.
The only reason you haven't shit yourself yet is because you don't like having fun.
Randomize
