he just referred to himself as the billy mays of his frat.. heres how to order
Don't worry about it. I've taken so much Plan B, my uterus is purely for show now.
I remember seeing LSAT prep books and thinking "Whose room is this? I should be hooking up with them instead."
he kept doing his monologue, "if a vagina could talk."
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
Texas State Troopers call you ma'am even when they arrest you for public nudity and after you've puked on their cruiser. Country boys raised right.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
On second thought, is it weird that I scheduled a surgery that determines my fertility around lingerie football night? I might have fucked up priorities.
Absolutely not. I would have done the exact same thing.
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I've needed to start drinking protein shakes to keep up with her. It's like my dick just started doing crossfit.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
