shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
if you google earth my address you can see me getting out of my car. finally my moment of being famous
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
I tried eating pop-rocks while giving him a bj, I honestly think I was more disappointed with the results than he was.
Poor guy. Tried so hard to get out of the friend zone. I had to make out with someone in front of him to put him in his place.
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
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