What started out as a threesome has become me sitting here watching them have sex... Can I get a ride home?
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
No he didn't understand the sequence...then I started texting him these texts with vagina strategically spelt correctly in jumbles of letters.
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I'm like a walking PSA for tequila shots
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
Just broke my collar bone. May not make it to the party.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
We were talking about kinky shit, and I suggested a hand job in church.
How'd that go over?
Praise the lord and pass the lotion.
Randomize
