I looked at my own cervix.
Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
When he was fingering me, it felt/looked like he was digging around for pocket change.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
The golf course isn't that incognito for sex.
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
It's true. There would need to be A LOT of data collection. Aka, dick-catching. I volunteer as tribute.
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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