I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
you were holding her hair as she threw up saying "I'm going to be a great doctor" repeatedly.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
I don't know what the fuck is in the water in New Hampshire, but these dicks are HUGE.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
Did the game of beer pong go wrong before or after the cops and fire department showed up?
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
It's like the dark age of my sex life being stuck here
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
wasn't that the evening we made out with the girls from the dental school, drank 3000 beers, almost had to beat up a guy at the strip club and James nailed some hot piece of tail and took her OSU windbreaker, which my dad went on to wear multiple times after finding it in the garage.
Yes. To all of that. Yes.
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
She never came back from the bathroom so I went to look for her... I was in my room and heard this rustling. And she was in my closet petting ties.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
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