it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
idea:have a jello shot stand(opposed to lemonade stand) to raise money for spring break
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
I have to keep checking she's breathing. This is why we don't drink on Sundays
So I'm seriously not complaining - but I just fell ass backwards into a Tuesday night threesome. Sober
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
Oh I will totally be your beard, but on one condition I get to watch you and your boy friend have sex.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Crappy Mother's Day to you! Those of us who don't have children fill the void with hot sex, sleeping in, more sex, leisurely suntanning, foreign travel, overseas sex, paying cash for sports cars, watching TV, having sex on the floor in front of TV porn, lounging around the house, or whatever the hell we want.
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I have woke up on a strange couch, in a strange house, on another campus. Can you Friend-Find me and pick me up?
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
EITHER I'M HIGH OR JUST REACHED A NEW LEVEL OF SINGLE FEMALE SADNESS BECAUSE THIS BROWNIE IS GIVING ME ORGASMS
Randomize
