Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
You broke her grandpas urn and ran your hand through his ashes claiming it was pixie dust. I think thats why shes mad at you..
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
We could have a classy candlelight sonic dinner with fireball cocktails if you leave now. Twat tickler centerpieces.
my confident boosted when he told me that it was I who started making out with him. ME. NOT HIM.
I AM SHOCKED AND PROUD OF MYSELF
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
I HAVE A STRAIGHT LINE ACROSS MY ASS ABOUT THE WIDTH OF A SLIM JIM. ERICA!
Randomize
