Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
sometimes i wonder what i would do without sheltered catholic girls w/ overprotective parents
never have sex?
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
I love how my cats smell like pot.
Nothing sez sunday morning like waking up in a phonebooth with a leg cramp.
After he finished his girlfriend called him. I sat there, tied his shoes for him, then he high fived me and said "this is gonna be a great summer steph"
bark. im thoroughly looking forward to kegs and eggs. next weekend should be pancakes and pinnical, then cereal and seagrams and then whiskey and waffles.
The last thing I remember is teaching our waffle house waitress to do the stanky leg and promising the grill cook we would come see him at his other job.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
Apparently he crashed because 3 different girls were trying to give him road head at the same time.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
In other news I may have fractured my masturbating arm
At least it wasn't your drinking arm
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
How am I supposed to buy weed and pancake mix when it's raining?
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
Randomize
