Is it a bad sign when i blow my nose && can smell vodka?
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
You're making her cookies in enchange for knitting lessons. You will die a virgin.
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
All I know is that your reaction after this date with him was "I think I did cocaine" so I'm sold on this boy
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
I never thought my gollum impression would lead to me getting laid.
Huzzah!
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
Randomize
