my mom just informed me my dog smells like cum
i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
A three fingered guy just showed up with fireworks and bourbon, tonight will be entertaining.
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
It wasn't so much skinny dipping. It more like skinny walking...through a fountain.
By the taste of his semen he isnt vegetarian and therefore lied to me to take me home on a brighter note i stole his fondue set
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'm pretty sure "good advice you would give to a freshman for achieving success" isn't constituted by introducing them to your addy dealer...
it is my civic duty to ensure the success of our youth.
I just put a pill up my vagina. It was little like a quail egg. There is so much happening up there right now.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
I farted in the parking garage and it echoed.
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
Randomize
