I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
i just saw a guy carrying a medieval times commemerative glass filled with vomit.. there were 2 people cheering him from behind
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Almost told my boss I was an expert aat swallowing when he questioned my ability to take excedrin,xanax, and a vitamin all at once. It was a medicinal gang bang lubricated by arizona tea.
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
Every single item that was in my fridge is now in my hot tub. Please help
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
I just masturbated and watched youtube makeup videos, which was just an extension of masturbation.
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
I was in a penguin suit. Dick out. I am confident in the value of my pic.
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
Umm... When he walked in I shot him with my confetti gun... It's a wonder my booty calls even show up.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
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