I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
I'm currently using two paint brushes as chopsticks to eat lasagna.... college.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Really? Uh ohh sounds like a double date with extra stripper funnnn
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
I know what I want to do this Friday. However, it might end in me getting kicked out of an arcade and a mini golf course.
Yeah, he fractured his ass by doing a canon ball into the bath tub....
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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