I'm so fucking centered right now
.....then i was kicked out of my work christmas party......
dude. FULL moustache. it was like getting head from Tom Selleck
Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
at least if we puke, we will be surrounded by beautiful, non-judgemental trees.
she trying to cartwheel up the stairs... not going so well
How did you even find out?
Because you came up to me and said "I just fucked in the bathroom."
Oh.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
I went to look at my notes for my take home final and all I had written was 'you're on E. You won't remember a damn thing anyway.'
he kept telling me how much his girlfriend would love me while we were making. why does tequila always do this to me?
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
Turns out the bartender I fucked is the bar owner. WHY THE FUCK DO I PAY FOR HALF MY DRINKS? IS SEX NOT TIP ENOUGH?
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
UVE SEEN MY TITS OKAY STOP CRYING
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