I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
Let's review the facts-we're bored, we have a ton of beer, and we live 5 minutes from the zoo. This equation is easily solvable
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
I feel like fucking him is something we all do but don't want to admit to. like masturbating or peeing in the shower
Finished watching the entire first season of mighty morphing power rangers. Now I have nothing. Not even a life.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
It's getting harder and harder to find People to carry her home
She shouldn't drink
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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