In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
An alarm set every 45 minutes saying "FATTY" and one every afternoon saying "CASPER" every day until spring break is a foolproof plan to being bikini ready
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
Just pee around me
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Guess who's now on the no-fly list? If you guessed me, you'd be right.
Based on my calculations, I should be blackout by approximately 11:14pm and that's when I need you to take my phone away from me. Mkay?
Dont care about too tired for sex, thank you for leaving your laser pointer. I have now determined both my cats are stupid.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
