am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
Well, there goes the no drunk sex injuries resolution.
couldn't find my pants so i stole a pair of shorts from the passed out kid in the corner.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
just gonna show up naked this time. that way i dont have to worry about finding my clothes tomorrow
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
The 12 year old son winked and made eyes at me while his father fed me vodka gummy bears. Gameday yo
I don't know. Sometimes you can be a wild card with your emotions. Mostly the emotion known as anger.
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
When the paramedic asked Logan how he fell he explained that he was trying to lick his eyeball, missed and tripped over his own tongue.
Randomize
