**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
My dog fell asleep in his puke last night. He's only 5 weeks old and has more in common with my friends than I do.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Fighting the police is like screwing a fat girl, if I'm drunk enough I'll do it
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Chick took off her bra in the middle of class cuz it was "too hot." How's going out of state feel now?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
Its 11am and I'm eating gummi bears and drinking Tennessee honey in my underwear...this is why I'm self employed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I apologize in advance for the amount of cleavage I'll be exposing your boyfriend to.
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
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