I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
I wish they had nachos that got you drunk
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
She gave me a BJ with my hoodie on. it was like i was blowing myself.
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
She busted her face in a tragic twerking accident. Marking the 2nd time I have peed my pants laughing.
You played Frank Sinatra today after we had sex. You moved way up in my literal book of men. Congrats.
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Just used an eyelash curler to open my beer since I didn't have a bottle opener. Things are starting to look up.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
just yelled CURVEBALL at my nightie because it turned out to be a pair of shorts
Wanna buy a dildo with me during your lunch break tomorrow?
My Mini-Van Handjob Milf is leaving the company. I need to find a new job. I can’t handle this place without those handjobs
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