FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I had to find out that I peed in the box of baby clothes from my mom, who found out from my grandma. New low.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
that's how you measure success
By how bad my vagina hurts on a Tuesday morning while I'm trying to figure out how I got white girl wasted on a Monday?
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
Other than my penis smelling like an ashtray, it went really well.
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
I figured it out! There's blood on the kitchen floor because I fell into the dishwasher. And there's a face dent. And it doesn't work.
Yea.....I saw that happen.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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