that was the first time i tried it. why is it all sticky? its like somebody threw a glue bottle at my face.
Its sad we have to plan out fun a month in advance. 30 sucks.
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I don't remember his name but he sat in the bathroom and gave us both advice...
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Dude squirt doesnt even begin to describe it i thought she was the lost portal to atlantis with how much she let out
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
That freshman guy that keeps trying to hook up with me just saved someone's life ... Should I reconsider?
Oh, honey. If you're seeing a girl just for the sex, never doubt that she knows and she's doing the same thing. We're not stupid, we're just craftier than you.
He just snapchatted me a picture of his cock. The angle makes it look like a freakin skyscraper. Thinking of photoshopping a little monkey on it.
Maybe they'll dismiss me from jury duty after they smell beer on me. You can't keep me in a cage and then give me an hour and a half long lunch break next to a beer fest and expect sobriety.
I duct taped a bottle of vodka to the back of your closet while you were sleeping in case of emergencies. Go rip it off, it's going to be a long night.
Question: the touchscreen on my phone randomly quit working, do you think this could be a latent reaction from me peeing on my phone last weekend?
Randomize