I would dunk an oreo in her breast milk
she definitely has that "I'll bang you, but then I'll tell your girlfriend" look to her.
The only way I could have failed my exam worse is if there would have been a drug test portion
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
He puts stickers to promote his new shirt company in every sack he sells. He's like the donald trump of weed
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
He just showed up with a bottle of wild turkey a half a can of coke and some marshmallows yelling "gobble gobble bitches" my roommates hate my cousin
I can't believe I forgot to wish you a happy 13 week-iversary of the time you raw-dogged a rando. Only two days late, so it still counts. And since your 14 weeks is coming up, you should know that at 14 weeks your baby can squint, frown, grimace, pee, and possibly suck his/her/their/zir thumb!
We watched Purple Rain and then proceeded to have sex while listening to the album. If that's not exactly how Prince would want people to honor him, I don't know what is
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
