I wanna do crazy things to you in a tent
fuckk wrong person
.. who was that for? a girlscout?
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
lets make a pact to never make a pregnancy pact
My professor just suggested making the state of the union more interesting by turning it into a drinking game. Brilliant!!
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I had to assert my dominance as Alpha Drunk.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
im sleeping with a therapist...so you can talk to me.
Wow I got tittyfucked by the American Dream
What's the polite way to tell someone she's a grown ass woman and she needs to start acting like it.
I grabbed the pretzel bag with my toes last night. I think that day of yoga had paid off.
Randomize
