and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I don't believe these are real court rooms. They look absolutely nothing like law and order.
I got my parents high. They've been watching spongebob for six hours. You cannot tell me I'm not the favorite
You tried to tell her that the salad was an afrodisiac then proceeded to stroke yourself with the feather duster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
Just made nicotine water. Ithink i'm having a heart attack.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I got a blow torch for Christmas. You are now permitted to be afraid.
I should probably drink beer instead of rum today so I don't end up naked in my living room while I still have guest.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
I sat on his face and watched Mean Girls. It was a good date.
i had to call him over, it was my last chance at getting some tonight
HE HAS A RESTRAINING ORDER AGAINST U!!!
it expires tomorrow
Last night I made out with two lesbians while dancing with another girl. I'm pretty sure it wasn't even real life.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
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