but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
i have a new swear word: supercalifuckaliciousexpialadamnit
It's like alcoholism for beginners at my kitchen table.
Let me make this really simple. We woke up this morning and fucked three times. When I got up and took a shower she cleaned up the mess from last night and did the dishes. Then we went out and she bought me brunch. I don't give a FUCK how much you don't like her.
I can't even use my hands i'm so hungover
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I think I'm gonna wear a bikini to our final tomorrow...just so he knows that no fucks will be given on his test
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
Randomize
