Just did the walk of shame across state lines...milestone?
so my 6 year old came home from school and asked me if he was a bastard cause the kids at school called him one, i told him to call them a clit. those parents will hate me
Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
The lack of pants and amount of productivity in my life right now is amazing.
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Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
He also told me he would eat mozzarella sticks before having sex with me so I'm mad at him.
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Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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