fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
He was sucking on my finger.... and it was at that moment that I thought: Man. I wish I had a penis.
im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
his penis was the training wheels of my sex life
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
And let me tell you, getting your ass waxed is the weirdest fucking experience.
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