Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
you turned on the Care Bears movie at 5am and kept screaming "I CARE"
that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
It's isn't revenge sex until you've cum on her porcelain doll collection.
I just wrote "where Jason is" on the screen. He guessed "hospital" correctly.
I think sneezing out coked up boogers onto your professor disqualifies you from the "I was sick" excuse
Well we were going to compare notes, but all I could remember was throwing up, and all she could remember was kissing, so then we decided to not compare anything.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
Sweet! It'll be a "that-minor-I-used-to-serve-alcohol-to-is-no-longer-a-minor" party!!!
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
Thank you, my gorgeous heroine, for being such a total life-saver by giving me rides, forcing me to eat, providing porous absorbant surfaces to bleed on, and everything else you do <3
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
