Who were the five players on the alien team from space jam?
I have a new reason to go to work: I can tell which 3 of my coworkers are sisters just by looking at their butts.
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
thats why a responsible adult always keeps some facial hair just in case they need to shave a hulk hogan mustache for midget wrestling...
I like that you're Jewish, because you can rail me on Christmas Eve and it won't be weird.
He took a picture of me to show his boss why he was late...Is that a compliment or not?
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I told him to take the baby so I could work out. My workout consisted of getting high and masturbating
I was trying to decide if i was still high whenever i realized i was pressing the buttons on the microwave cause i liked the sound.
This woman at the blackjack table is sitting on a pile of newspaper so she can pee at her seat and never miss a hand.
Randomize
