That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
I just watched a girl in the library pull a vodka bottle out of her bag. I think I'm going to give her my number.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
You know you had a good time when you get the wheelchair treatment in Mexico back to your cruise.
I feel as if some line has been crossed, but only in this vague, WTF sort of way.
So why are your hands bright blue and have you seen my roommate.
Both questions will answer each other.
My autobiography will be 500 pages of the words "I probably should've thought this through" typed over and over.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
Randomize
