Going to get tested monday. You're coming with. Bonding time, slut style.
She said she wanted to have closure sex.
I stole an ensure out of their fridge and started chugging it. That was when Maria made me leave.
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
I haven't been sober in 4 days.
Then be sober
No.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
It was ok until his mom walked in and asked if he turned on the crock-pot...
Some guy is here to get laser hair removal on his balls. I hate my job.
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
Randomize
