Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I put the extra pregnancy test in my sex toys box as a reminder that my actions have consequences.
i think he was starting go for a boob grab when we both realized the middle of a public tennis court wasn't the place
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
He wants to hookup..at the fair..this is our chance to leave him stranded with no clothes.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Come over. And we'll put iced coffee in the bong.
You ran out of his house yelling "I got the goods!" Then you pulled toilet paper rolls out from under your shirt.
He gave me my financial savings if I invested with him while I was giving him a bj.
Hi, I put a dog in your house, I hope it's yours.
Ive completely stopped wearing makeup. Not even eyebrows. Thats how sick of wisconsin I am.
Listen I don't care what it's called as long as it's drugs
Randomize
