I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
So baked. Thought the twigs on the sidewalk were caterpillars with the ability to harden in self defense. Had to pick one up to be sure.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
I mean I like that it's warm enough to open the windows, but it annoys me that I can't walk around naked anymore.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
I'm so disappointed in myself I can actually taste it.
Does it taste like semen?
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
I've also decided that the true test of whether or not you should marry a girl is if she will willingly blow you while you eat Oreos.
They shoved things up my nose I feel violated
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
His crazy is a thing to be cherished
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Another guy on Tinder just asked about "the hotter girl" in my pictures. I fucking hate being your friend.
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
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