I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
Just threw up off a chairlift. my life is now complete.
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
It's official. Every single female in their late teens and early 20s get their fb statuses from a pool of cliched "quotes" which all say, without saying, "boys treat me like shit, I know they do, but one day I'll find 'the guy' who will treat me right no matter how psychotic I am." Vom.
areolas are like halos for boobs.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Considering the last guy I had sex with was gay, this was a huge improvement.
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
Crop dusting thru forever 21
Randomize
