addddeeerrraaaallll.
ok i'm not sure if that was a success statement or a cry for help.
I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
farters have to be the big spoon...
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE GAY FRIEND?!?!
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
He came when Ron Burgundy started playing the jazz flute. How do you think it went?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
You know you're hung over when the glare from the cream cheese on your bagel is just too bright...
He and I are in a competition of who can sleep with the most people at work. We're tied at two. I could win this if they'd stop hiring damn straight girls.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I woke up in the middle of the night with my dick out and my electric blanket on high. It's like she wanted a hot dog.
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
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