I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Why the fuck do they always fuck on couches in porn?
Don't ever text me while you're jacking off. EVER.
Your never gonna wash that desperation outta that sweatshirt you know.
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Just made a drunk dude do 20 push-ups. In the parking lot of the bar tonight for a keystone light I found in the back of my truck.
Oh yum
Please tell me you have Advil or Tylenol or ibuprofen or a fucking baseball bat
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
i found 4 slices of pizza in my toaster, and a can of unopened soup in my blender.. wtf?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I left my red butterfly dildo laying on my bedroom floor this morning....my landlord is currently showing the house to people. Fuck can't ever face him again.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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