so the plumber came, he found condoms, feathers and glitter in the pipes.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
New development. Drinking at work is so easy and awesome I might have to do it everyday.
Our new roommate is sitting in the living room wearing a snuggie and clutching a handle of burnett's mixed with what appears to be crystal light and sobbing over a documentary about a dead race horse.
I know. Isn't she utterly fantastic?
I can't tell which way is up. Too many corners around his house too. An arbitary assimilation of edges.
Christ, I swear you are the high man's Dr. Seuss.
He's such a gentleman. He didn't even ask why my bra was flung on the seat of my car. He just took my snow brush, pushed it onto the floor and said, "Let's go I'm hungry."
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
We are both federal employees and Obama gave us a four-day weekend to lie in bed. Do you know how many orgasms that will be? I knew there was a reason I voted for this guy.
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
You said you were going to start drinking less. Drinking 25 small airplane bottle shots do not count.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
I was just in the bathroom and some guy yelled all hail the king... i cant go anywhere without getting recognized anymore.
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