I'm 3 blocks south of you watching drag queens.
I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She said "You blew my mind last night." and I said "nah, I just blew my load." and her mom heard.
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
Dude, had to, it's Canada Day, I fucked her for Canada. Seriously, I put my Canadian flag on my bed and fucked her on it.
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
Just threw up in a cup driving down the road because there was cop behind me and I didn't want to pull over. Not sure if winning or failing at life.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
