So I said to her: one time i broke my dick and when they took off the cast i could cum across a baseball field
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
burritoes are like sleeping bags for ground beef
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
They turned the water off again. Brushed my teeth with whats left from those pitchers of mojitos. So hung over i dont even care.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Because of his penis, I can't even look at a hot dog
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
Who the fuck gets injured on a merry-go-round? HOW IS IT POSSIBLE??
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
u better not lose ur virginity to a sugar daddy who doesn’t post a pic of himself to tinder
i keep smelling vagina and donuts, which pretty much sumarises this morning. happy birthday.
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