I just Googled "how to lose weight but still be an alcoholic."
Just saw a guy wearing pink jeans and i bet he's straight. Fuck 2009.
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
i woke up with a grocery list signed by "the people who ate all your shit while you were passed out"
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on top of his counter next to a pot of boiling water and an empty package of ramen... what happened to the ramen, we will never know.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I would just like to point out that someone I had sex with drove me so I could have sex with you. I deserve some type of "most loyal booty call ever" award.
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
She was sitting on the couch in his tux jacket...no pants, eating cold vegetable lasagna. Yet I'm the weirdo?
Randomize