Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
he just sent me a friend request on facebook. i wish it were physically possible to vomit on him through the internet.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
Drinking games this Saturday as usual although the ice cube tray game is banned due to last weeks incident
You hid from a cop under some guy's canoe on his lawn.. It didnt work
I'm promoting my liver to CEO of my body cause it clearly works harder than anything else.
thanks for not telling him i named my trumpet after his dick
Been in bed for 16 hours. Haven't eaten in 18 hours. Haven't pissed in almost 20 hours. Fuck you Stacey and your former reign as laziest bitch. I got the title now.
Regardless of age or alcohol consumption, the knowledge that my dad spanks my mom sexually has the very real potential to fuck my shit up.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
Randomize
