Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
scream really loud. we think you crawled under the deck
Two days later and my throat is still sore. That bong is a double edged sword.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
I won't let penises inside me if you won't let tequila inside you, deal?
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
