That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
I didn't talk to any girls wearing masks because I wanted to avoid making the big mistake of making out with my sister.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
After we had sex he began to tell me the craziest places he's had sex. He told me KFC bathroom so I rolled over and went to sleep.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
Randomize
