i am a beautiful darrk chocolate womann
honey you're def caucasian
i am a beautiful white cholcllate woman.... Z
Dude I wish you were here. I'm innthe back seat and it looks like outer space and everything feels like rice. idk. wtf.
Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
plan parent hood is for high school, im at the abortion clinic, so college.
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
And then I learned that we are dating when I said it's out of line to bring fuck buddies home to meet the parents. And then I was single.
Imagine getting smashed in the dick by a basketball. A basketball made of metal. With spikes. That's pretty much what his dick looked like.
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
How are you feeling?
Hungover as shit. Someone just knocked on my window to make sure I was alive. I have been sleeping in the drivers seat for an hour parked outside my store. That is how okay I am.
maybe if I avoid him long enough we could skip the talking part of "we need to talk"
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Holy shit, we're married as fuck.
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
there must be tiny pirates in the freezer stealing our rum.
Randomize
