I just changed her number in my phone to "You Wouldn't If You were Sober"
It was like a fairy tale, until he tried to put it in my ass...
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
nothing like morning wood sex at 4pm. funemployment ftw
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Ok. So let me get this straight. She treats her vagina like a clown car, yet judges me for just making out with the guy that bought all of us shots?
are we fucking for lunch or am I using my vibrator ?
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
i came outside and he was eating her out on my lawn. i refuse to pick up the dog shit in my yard so i hope he chose the spot wisely
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
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