Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
in my lab write-up should i mention that i watered my plant with tequila?
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
I vaguely remember having a 'grass is greener' conversation about our nipples. Dream or beautiful reality?
Beautiful, beautiful reality
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Build a thousand brigdes, lick one butthole. What am I remembered for? Buttholelicking.
I swear to God, if you have sex in my bed one more time you're gonna start paying rent
so as he was cumming he sort of growled with one eye squinted... for a moment there I thought I was fucking Popeye
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
It was like the icing on a beautiful fuck boy cake.
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
