I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
well that was a long night...
dude, you were pretty messed up... what happened?
no idea... but i still woke up with my pirate hat on
just jacked off with my ROTC uniform on. boy i feel like an american.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
Bring gay.
By that I meant the rum. I just realized that my request made no sense. You always bring gay.
well, at the moment I'm sleeping in someone's closet in a buzzlightyear snuggie, so I can't judge,
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
You know what the worst feeling in the world is? Sitting in your 6pm AA meeting still hungover from the night before
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
I woke up naked next to my hot manager. Left before she woke up, and worked an entire shift with her. She has no idea.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
Randomize
