Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
You just yell-acapella'd the theme to fresh prince of bel air to me while a different song is playing in the bar.
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
Been awake for 50 some odd hours. I've discovered I can spew out maaaad papers whilst coked out of my face. My roommates probably think I'm dead. Money well spent. You?
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
You walked in wearing nothing but a beekeeper mask
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
i just got carded for condoms. wtf.....this is new. isnt safe sex a good thing?
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
