I have demons in me.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
I want to be ashamed of the things we do this weekend
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
All I know is I was bleeding, she was bleeding, we stole someone's Lucky Charms, and then I made you guys order a pizza
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
I can't believe i lost my ID... bringing my birth certificate to the club was a weird experience
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I HAVE A FLAME THROWER. COME SEE IT. IT’S SAFE AND WORKS.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
I was trying to be good but he showed up with dinner and wine and I exploded. Like a bomb. A dirty, sexy bomb
Randomize
