where are you?
in the room with the baby pig
k im coming soon
I didn't know that people actually queef. Is this a real thing?
I believe so, yes.
Would you be offended if I asked if it has happened to you?
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
I showed remarkable dignity in such a compromising situation. Except I came off as sort of a blue ball giver.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
Nothing is more awkward than taking a dump while someone is crying in the bathroom.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I felt so bad for you. Drunk Rachael wanted nothing more than to crawl into the cop car and give you a hug. Luckily Mollied/Barred out Rachael convinced Drunk Rachael this was a terrible idea. So I ran. I have your keys btw
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Look bro I'll go half per boob with you, we split her.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
Randomize
