TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
Margaritas ran out of lime juice. Substituted Jaeger. Jaegerita not good.
of course. lets lasso hookers.
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
we were walking and you spelled the word "oats" to prove you weren't drunk.
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
We fucked, she finished, high fived me, the pulled a celebratory pack of gushers out of her purse for each of us. I'm going to marry your sister dude.
Randomize
