The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
So the weirdest part of it all was he whispered in my ear "can i eat you out on your tredmill?" I dont find him attractive at all anymore
i am literally watching eva make a trashbag diaper for you to sleep in tonight. whole new level of low for you.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Law school has no idea what kind of prospect they have coming in. I just convinced a cop not to take me to jail by asking him if he really felt like cleaning puke out of his car tonight.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
idk what the male equivelent of vajazzling is but it better be worth the time
Randomize
