meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
what's an appropriate "I'm fucking your grandson but I'm trying to hide it" outfit?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
I thought I could grab a hold of my stream of urine. So she left pretty soon after that.
Was your wine and cheese snap taken from the toilet?
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
Randomize
