im keeping my plan b box as a souvenir of my first halloween weekend in college
WHY WOULD YOU LET ME MAKE THAT MUCH NOISE DURING SEX IN RESIDENCE ?!
I tried to push your face into the pillow but then you kicked like a donkey.
I love tequila.
Is it bad that I just used Smirnoff as mouthwash?
After giving the pizza guy directions you told him to look for the big stupid looking kid outside in purple
all i wanted to do was something grown up. like go to applebees and drink.
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
I figured out why her friends always say g is for god when she leaves with someone. She wears a double g cup bra
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
Dude, nobody just eats a banana these days. This chick wanted it. She wanted to get down with Charlie Brown.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I wound up gambling on giant connect four with the bartender. I think he saw my boobs.
Is it appropriate to send an apology gift to his roommates for breaking the bathroom sink during crazy sex?
See I am maturing. I just got in from my DRIVE of shame......
He saw my Halloween/ Costume closet and assumed I’m into cosplay. I’m going with it. What’s sexier, a cop or a nurse?
Randomize
