im pretty sure vibrators are the best invention since dinosaur chicken nuggets
we left the bar for like 10 minutes last night and moved his car so it wouldnt get towed. neither of us have a clue where it is right now.
you kept talking about how hot andy milinakis is and the things you would do with him. no more tequila from him.
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
Just got blown on the bus in front of abot 20 ppl. Lots of high fives.
I think making out with someone could be the cure to all my problems. That or more cowbell.
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
Let me begin to explain the rest of last night by beginning with saying that out if necessity I took a pair of your underwear
There are more dirty dishes in my bed then in the kitchen. Have I lost at life?
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
I have seriously seen way too may DIY cut off jean booty shorts and half shirts on fat girls this summer. Fuck you Pinterest.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
So were driving two hours to go to a club and Charles packed me a sippy cup full of tequila. He thinks of everything!
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